Going on a date hookup is a very personal choice, and we sometimes forget that as friends. We are inclined to look at our friends’ dates as if they were selected from a lineup, thinking of all the people you could have had and comparing them to the one you are with. There are times when our chosen date hookup partner fails to live up to the standards and expectations our buddies have for us. Which of you hasn’t heard one or more of the following: “Do you think this will lead to something good,” “Well, if you’re happy, then I’m happy,” or the timeless, “I just think you can really do better than having him?” In fact, who doesn’t have a friend that dated someone you are not that thrilled with?
There are times we deliberately do something that is not good for us. Consider that your friends may hate your significant other because they know you in and out, and what you want. They may see, no matter how much fun you may be having, that your relationship is going to go nowhere. They may also see, no matter how much you may deny it’s true, that time with your significant other may do more harm than good. If your friends express sentiments of disapproval towards your significant other and are protective on where they stand, appreciate these feelings because they are usually rooted in affection for you—regardless if they are right or wrong. Nobody enjoys seeing a friend crash and burn in a relationship, especially when they think they see it coming and feel that you cannot. If your friends are worried for you, then guess what? It may be a good idea to listen to them. Life is peppered with tragedies of failed relationships that ended in painful and hurtful ways.
• SHE SAID:
I’m sure we’ve all had that experience of introducing a new partner to friends and hearing them say, “Well, I’m glad he makes you happy.” There are times when you hear the collective sigh of relief from the group the moment you break it off with someone.
I certainly have been there too. My friends have not been always thrilled by my romantic shenanigans, and I can’t say I’ve loved every partner they’ve had. However, we generally don’t talk about it for the duration of the relationship, with them acting friendly to my “not-my-cup-of-tea” boyfriend. Now, would I be all ears if I hear a friend say she hates my boyfriend? Depending on the friend, I definitely would because this can mean she can see giant red flag that I don’t.
There is quite a big difference between a friend conveying her concern over, say, how ungentlemanly he treats you, and a friend that’s appalled he didn’t pick up the dinner tab. I am more inclined to put more weight on opinions and experience of friends who are most in line with mine.
With that being said, your romantic business is your own business. And if you want to date hookup with your ex flame, no amount of eye rolling from your buddies can stop you. Your friends always want what’s best for you, but that doesn’t necessarily translate to them knowing what’s best for you.
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