 Is there some form of fiend out there hiding, just waiting to ruin your date hookup relationship this holiday season? This year, it’s time to put your foot down and not let it get to you; or at least be prepared when it does. You have holiday sex with an ex Unfortunately, connecting with a past lover is common during the holidays. People get nostalgic during this time. You tend to be drawn towards things that make you comfortable and familiar, and then your ex comes in. If this happens, make sure you both know where you stand. Find out where he stands physically and emotionally. If he is attempting to make New Year plans with you and you’re completely over him, let him off gently. It is more satisfying to turn him down if he was the one who dumped you in the first place. Your present makes his look small Don’t think that a small gift means little feelings. You have to accept the fact that some people are just awful gift givers, especially in the beginning of a date hookup relationship. If you have given too much, just think of yourself as generous, and be pleased you made someone happy. But if you’re not that delighted with his “tiny” gift, explore those feelings and talk about it. What you can do is agree to give each other empirical gifts you can both enjoy together like tickets to a football game or a theater production. You break up just before the holiday season The key here is not generalizing events that happen this time of the year. There are some people who think that if they’re not with someone on that special day, that means they never will. However, just because you have nobody with right now doesn’t mean you won’t find love. Your whole life does not depend on this. All those pre-holiday breakups only means there are a lot more single people out there than there was a month ago. You insult his family Once this shameful deed is done, it’s time for immediate damage control. Don’t just ignore the situation hoping it would go away, because it definitely won’t. You will always be known as the girl who insulted his mother. The only way to get through this is to apologize and make amends, so that everyone can move on.
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 So you think you’re having a tough time on Valentine’s Day? What would you do if you had to look for the perfect gift for, not just one, but three lovers? What if you have the need to plan a weekend sex-a-thon for six? For the obvious reasons they have superpowers, we asked a few polyamorous individuals for City Sex rules on what to do to please multiple partners. Love is a battlefield; prepare like you are going to war Have you ever tried to get for people together for a night of board games? Now you can imagine how difficult it is to coordinate with everyone for a trip to Europe. Your plans may not be as complex as theirs, but not planning all the details could lead to couple disasters. The City Sex Rule: Would you go out on a date without having protection? The same principle applies: Plan the night ahead of time or you’ll end up going home getting zilch. Internet dating Since teleportation hasn’t been perfected yet, there is a way for couples in long-distance relationships to see each other on Valentine’s Day. You see, a webcam is an awesome invention. It can be used to spend a virtual “hot and steamy” time privately with your partner. However, this needs some getting used to. It can be really funny at first, as you try to position the camera just to get yourself into the right frame for some “action” flowing. The City Sex Rule: Absence makes the heart grow fonder? Screw that. Utilize modern technology to communicate with each other even if your worlds apart. A Threesome (or more) can be a better time There are some who are not into the V Day spirit. Their attitude toward holidays—Valentine’s Day included—is now “the more the merrier.” Jenny Block, author of “Open: Love, Sex and Life in an Open Marriage,” is one of them. Her holiday is spent with brunch that includes her husband, their daughter and girlfriend. The City Sex Rule: If you are the anti-Valentine’s Day type, don’t disregard the holiday. Instead, turn it into a party. You can even earn Karma points by inviting your single friends. Give some lip service So, what do you think is more important to your relationship than a steamy night between the sheets? Honest communication, you say? You are definitely right. It always pays to be up front and do prodding. If you feel afraid of your partner’s reaction to any of your Valentine’s Day situations, think about this: These people in multiple relationships had the balls to tell others that they want an open relationship. The City Sex Rule: The spirit of Valentine’s Day is all about love, sharing and… a well-played defense.
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 If you are the type of guy who would just like to pass on ever having dinner with your girl’s folks, I can offer a few helpful City Sex suggestions for not getting an invitation. Perhaps you just want to spend time with your own family, or you’re just not sociable, or they’re racist against Asians and you’re Jet Li. It doesn’t really matter. Just follow my City Sex advice and guess who’s not invited to dinner? You. Greeting the parents If it’s your first time to meet them, keep in mind that, just like in business, the handshake is very important. This can be a good opportunity to show her dad how weak you are, that you like to wear your driving gloves all the time, or you just don’t know how to break eye contact. If you’re thinking whether to shake her mom’s hand or go in for a hug, don’t do any of those. Just follow the European custom of kissing her briefly on both cheeks, followed by a long probing Frenchie. If you’ve already met them, you can always try shaking the dad’s hand while tickling his palm with your finger. The probing tongue kiss will still probably work on mom too. Eating the parents Having a meal can be a great opportunity to alienate them. If you’re not a natural sloppy eater, try numbing your hands or face with Novocaine. If you don’t have access to this, focus on being a terrible chewer. Try taking in a large amount of food, and then silently sing your favorite Muse song. When it comes to the food, it would be very helpful if you have many allergies and aversions. You can lie if you don’t have one. Let them know you have a bad relationship with food. You can also tell them you are a health nut by dabbing everything with napkin to “take out the grease” even if it’s a seafood salad. If they are the type that says grace, this is your chance to establish you are a socialist atheist. Enchanting the parents Being a bad conversationalist is key! Keep in mind that a polite guest means being engaged and entertained, so pick out random places in the room to look at in case somebody calls your attention. Going for the tight-lipped tactic can work well, but sometimes being a talker can seal the deal. Try discussing money, religion and politics in mixed company, and prove to your girlfriend’s parents that you’re a modern feminist. Walk around the house and pick out items, asking how much each costs. If the chit-chat dies down, fill any conversational gaps by telling them how much you hate your job or by quoting lines from movies.
 Attending holiday season parties is like weddings—if you’ve gone through all the trouble of dressing up, shopping for gifts, and suffering the humiliation subjected upon you by the gracious host, you deserve to go home with somebody from the party, or maybe at least get a phone number. And on that note, we give you a helpful City Sex guide on dos and don’ts when attending holiday parties. DO: Thoughtfully shop for a gift. A bottle of whiskey, or any alcoholic beverage for that matter, is always easy and it doesn’t fail. However, adult dating you may be rewarded if you take time to pick out a unique, funny or special gift for your host or just to give away. Instead of being labeled as The Girl Who Loved Brandy, you can be The Girl Who Rocked the Party with her nice CD of the best dance hits of the year. DON’T: Give a dirty gift, even as a joke. Being kinky is great adult dating, but there is a right time and place for it, and neither is appropriate for the season. Women can actually get away with this more than men can. And yes, wind up penises are hilarious and inexpensive, but you wouldn’t want to be remembered as “the girl who did their gift shopping at a sex shop.” DO: Wear comfy footwear. This City Sex tip couldn’t be stressed enough. If it’s a house party, travel in boots and bring your nice pair of shoes in a bag. Do the same thing when going to a bar or a club and just coat check them. Remember that dancing is the key holiday ritual of mating. You need dry feet with appropriate footwear to fully use your right to get down. DON’T: Wear shoes that are too provocative, a.k.a. slutty. While holiday season parties can, and should get a little wild, this is the time when people think about family and unity. You can probably downplay the sexy until grandma goes to bed, or at least she’s had enough alcohol to even care. DO: Have fun. Hey, it’s the holidays, so don’t forget to be merry. When you’re back home, you tend to get a little stressed by your social interactions with all the people that you often forget the fact that you should be knocking back drinks and doing the kind of things you will resolve never to do again starting January. The holiday season doesn’t have to be all about other people; it should be also about you. DON’T: Ignore the hosts. Many of the parties we’re going to attend are hosted by our friends’ parents. For basic courtesy, pay thoughtful attention to the hosts. Make a sincere effort to show gratitude for inviting you, providing food, and for throwing the party. It can work wonders, especially if you’re planning to hit on their son.
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 Many of us have decided to cross over to the precarious love gamble of online hookup dating. It looks like a good idea on paper: You go through a short résumé and a few attractive photos of someone, so you know a little about them; then you send a message and eventually hook up. Theoretically, it should be human takeout for dating and sex; in practice, it’s more like buying a ton of Wonka Bars, hoping to find that golden ticket. Fortunately, through the years of my online hookup dating triumphs and disasters, I am here to help you make a good first impression through a few tips to make sure you don’t wipe out on your ice breaker message. Don’t be too generic A cut and paste message sent to a hundred people may save you a lot of time, but the only problem in sending a “Hey, you look fun to be with. How’s it going?” to someone is it doesn’t give much of your personality, or make them feel you are genuinely interested. In answering messages sent to me, I sort out the impersonal ones and those are the first I delete. I figure, if someone has checked out my profile photos and hasn’t expressed interest in my well-written profile, they don’t deserve any of my time. Therefore, make sure you throw in a few personal details in your ice breaker. Tell them some interesting facts about yourself that are not written in your profile, and reference something from their profile to let them know why you decided to contact them. “Hey Rachel, I read you are a ‘spontaneous wild child’ and that caught my attention, having just returned from a weekend-long party that involved too much booze and a swimming pool. So, when was the last time you danced till sunrise?” Do not ask for a date right away A message saying, “You seem cool. Can I buy you a drink sometime?” suggests you took a quick look at their profile, thought they looked cute, and decided to jump right into asking for a date. It kind of shows how low your standards are, yes? Even if they are genuinely hot, make sure they are even worth a quick look by checking to see if they can give you a witty and worthy response to your messages before you ask them out. You want them to know you have a lot of options and their sheer hotness isn’t enough for you to warrant a date. TLDR This is one of the most useful online hookup dating acronyms on the Internet. It stands for “Too long, didn’t read.” While sending a very short message is not good, going for a lengthy essay as an ice breaker also sucks balls. Would you let a stranger in a bar know how you broke up with your girlfriend when you found out she was cheating on you? Precisely. It’s cool to write a short anecdote, but don’t write a message so confusing and verbose that it’s almost impossible to even want to respond. One more thing, don’t take too long before you ask for a date; get to the point. Online hookup dating, just like its traditional counterpart, is asserted on momentum. If you have already made a fun exchange of messages, be bold enough to ask for their contact number, then give them a call to see if you jive more on having voice conversations than on the Internet. There are people who are a lot more fun and wittier online when they have a lot of time to think about what to write, so look out for the dashing online dater who turns out to be a boring, lifeless wreck.
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If you’re between the ages of 12 and 65, chances are you’ve tried Internet dating and attempted to meet women online. A recent study shows it’s easy to see why: Researchers at the University of Texas found out that 30 percent of women who meet a man through Internet dating have sex with him on their first meeting. However, scoring online is not easy at it looks. You clock in loads of man-hours going through all the different profiles, the chit-chat can be painful, and you won’t be able to read facial expressions and body language so there is plenty of room for misunderstandings. One wrong move can spell disaster for your chances of an all-night bone-athon. To guarantee your next online incursion leads to offline coitus, we conducted a survey on real women and found out which Internet dating moves got them all hot and interested. • Pimp your profile It’s time to wipe the smile off your face. According to the brains behind one popular Internet dating site who have analyzed millions of user interactions, guys who don’t smile in their profile pictures and who look slightly to the side rather than straight to the camera receive the most messages from the site. If you don’t have a hot “Blue Steel” look to flaunt, you can use the written part of your profile to shine. Most girls go for the profile that don’t sound too cliché. Try to stand out. If you’re a karaoke rockstar or you speak 12 languages, let everybody know. It will set you apart from every “nice guy” who “likes movies.” • Find the easy target With so many fish in the virtual sea, how do you pick out a sure thing? Statistics tell us that you have a high chance of succeeding with an older woman who ranks about a seven in the looks department. The emails women receive exponentially proportional to their hotness. Men go gaga with women who are 10, which they generally have no chance, and skip on the slightly less gorgeous, but still attractive women. So what happens is men fight over the hottest ladies two-to-one, while the perfectly fine ones are waiting in the wings. In addition, women in their 30s and 40s are an untapped energy source of horniness. Nearly two thirds of guys focus on women younger than them. Yet, older women are way more sexual. • Woo her If you’re ready to virtually hit on someone, the least you can do is pull a coherent sentence together. Refrain from using emoticons, poor spelling and grammar, and Netspeak. One more thing to avoid when making contact for the first time is complimenting her hotness. Do give props to her personality, interests, anything but her looks.
With restaurant dos and don’ts form the experts, etiquette tips and more romantic guidelines, make this guide your food bible when going adult dating for a lovely dinner on Valentine’s Day. • Ask her out at least five days in advance. But if you are only just a few days away from Valentine’s Day, you’re already in a jam. Let’s say you already have a date. Tell her the reservation is 15 minutes earlier than the actual time, so you can be seated on time. • French restaurants may look romantic, but they often steal the show by dining on exotic meals and a wine list instead of letting you have a good time. There is also the snooty factor wherein you can be judged by the staff as much as your date, especially when it comes to tipping. • When going for Chinese or Asian restaurants, you may find them crowded, pushy or empty, making sure you are the only ones inside. • Mexican restaurants can be agreeable because of their lively atmosphere and acceptable dishes, but they brand you as a cheapskate. The music may be awful, but after a few swigs of strong margaritas, none of you would even care. • Steakhouses are likely to be adult dating meat markets… Literally. You wouldn’t want to compete with all those guys at the bar waiting for your date to hit the restroom so they could hit on her, do you? • Going for sushi is great for a casual date. Considering she likes it, this can be a little sexy because it’s adventurous and sets you off as sophisticated. • Italian restaurants are your best bet. The staff is friendly, they know how to warmly greet gorgeous woman, the food is good regardless if it’s just okay, and the bill won’t give you a heart attack. • Wear a jacket or a blazer. Matching a tie wouldn’t hurt either. • Tip 20 percent if you have plans of going back. • Pay the bill. A gentleman always does. If she insists to go Dutch, don’t budge. • Offer to exchange plates if she doesn’t like what she’s having. If that doesn’t work, ask her what she hates about her meal then quietly consult the waiter to one side. • Don’t share plates, especially if you’re on your first or second date. • Avoid ordering for soup. It might get on your shirt. • On trying the wine, don’t make a huge fuss over it. Just take a sip, nod if it’s good, and leave the sniffing, swishing and spitting to the sommelier. • Yes, you love oysters but don’t ever mention a food is an aphrodisiac. It will make you sound like you learned everything you know about adult dating and romance from your dad’s “Playboy” magazine collection. • Refrain from ordering coffee because if you do, how the hell will she invite you in her place for a cup?
For a lot of guys, adult dating more than one girl at a time doesn’t just burn a hole in your pocket, it also can be a terribly stressful ordeal that even if it means having to sleep with four girls at once, is almost too much to handle. Well, almost. We’ve amassed valuable information and have come up with a set of rules that will help keep your love pentagon from falling apart. • Use pet names as often as possible There’s nothing more incriminatingly painful than calling a girl by the wrong name while out adult dating . Use something like “baby,” “sweetie” or “honey” instead of a proper name. Make sure you interchange them as often as possible so not a single term of endearment sticks to one girl. Not only will it keep your mouth from getting your ass into big trouble, but she might even think it’s sweet. • Keep a tabs of what you do together It’s quite impossible for a guy to remember the endless string of anniversaries, birthdays and picnic outings with this many lady friends, so try writing everything down and then secure the notebook under lock and key. • Delete your Facebook account This may be your window to your social circles, but for your girlfriends, it’s a door into your scummy personal life. It only takes one racy comment to turn your sex-filled social life into that of the guy who works at the comic book store and really seems to care a lot about Wonder Woman. • Guard your cell phone with your life Just like Facebook, your cell phone holds tons of incriminating information that could put you in grave danger, so make sure to keep it with you at ALL times. If possible, operate like a secret government agent and only use pay phones. It looks way cooler. • Do not allow sleepovers. EVER. Women can tell when other women have been in a guy’s place. It’s one of their inherent talents. So, the best way to cover your ass is to make sure you crash at her place. • Learn how to cook Adult dating and eating go together, so if you don’t want to sell some of you stuff or take out a loan for those meals that will have you end up spending at restaurants, tune in to the Food Network and start learning a few dishes. There are also a ton of online sites to get recipes from, and she’ll even be impressed. • If you get caught, fess up It was fun while it lasted, but once you get busted, you’re done. See if you can salvage one of the girls who doesn’t hate your guts or just move on and start the whole thing over again.
• HE SAID: Going on a date hookup is a very personal choice, and we sometimes forget that as friends. We are inclined to look at our friends’ dates as if they were selected from a lineup, thinking of all the people you could have had and comparing them to the one you are with. There are times when our chosen date hookup partner fails to live up to the standards and expectations our buddies have for us. Which of you hasn’t heard one or more of the following: “Do you think this will lead to something good,” “Well, if you’re happy, then I’m happy,” or the timeless, “I just think you can really do better than having him?” In fact, who doesn’t have a friend that dated someone you are not that thrilled with? There are times we deliberately do something that is not good for us. Consider that your friends may hate your significant other because they know you in and out, and what you want. They may see, no matter how much fun you may be having, that your relationship is going to go nowhere. They may also see, no matter how much you may deny it’s true, that time with your significant other may do more harm than good. If your friends express sentiments of disapproval towards your significant other and are protective on where they stand, appreciate these feelings because they are usually rooted in affection for you—regardless if they are right or wrong. Nobody enjoys seeing a friend crash and burn in a relationship, especially when they think they see it coming and feel that you cannot. If your friends are worried for you, then guess what? It may be a good idea to listen to them. Life is peppered with tragedies of failed relationships that ended in painful and hurtful ways. • SHE SAID: I’m sure we’ve all had that experience of introducing a new partner to friends and hearing them say, “Well, I’m glad he makes you happy.” There are times when you hear the collective sigh of relief from the group the moment you break it off with someone. I certainly have been there too. My friends have not been always thrilled by my romantic shenanigans, and I can’t say I’ve loved every partner they’ve had. However, we generally don’t talk about it for the duration of the relationship, with them acting friendly to my “not-my-cup-of-tea” boyfriend. Now, would I be all ears if I hear a friend say she hates my boyfriend? Depending on the friend, I definitely would because this can mean she can see giant red flag that I don’t. There is quite a big difference between a friend conveying her concern over, say, how ungentlemanly he treats you, and a friend that’s appalled he didn’t pick up the dinner tab. I am more inclined to put more weight on opinions and experience of friends who are most in line with mine. With that being said, your romantic business is your own business. And if you want to date hookup with your ex flame, no amount of eye rolling from your buddies can stop you. Your friends always want what’s best for you, but that doesn’t necessarily translate to them knowing what’s best for you.
 Of my many friends named Will, the first one was a very tall, pockmarked, Mohawk-headed, semi-poet, with large hands and a black belt in some fighting discipline which I can now only recall as kung fu. In short, he was unattractive in more ways than one. But still, he won women over in his adult dating activities more than anyone I have ever known. It looked like he got every girl he set his eyes on. Will always said it was quite easy to win over women. He used the salesman’s methods of seduction when adult dating: gracious attention, constant eye contact, pulsating wit, killer kindness with its accompanying gestures, confident attention, accentuated curiosity, the declaration of strength, and demonstrated humility of spirit. I knew all these because the first Will taught me that much. These were all early lessons, however, I came to see that the real trick, which he couldn’t manage to learn himself, was how to win a woman back; how to earn that love that was once lost. Here’s how: Don’t believe in your first shot. A woman must be won over quite a few times. The first one—fueled by attraction, illusion and chemistry—is relatively easy. The stakes may seem high, but you have to fail a few times for this to work. And when you fail, you move on. You can always walk away from failure. This can be the most honest moment of them all, because the illusion has dried up and the tricks have become clear. You are now on the outside looking in, knowing what you just lost. Don’t trade in your misery. Yes, you’re now on the outside looking in, and it’s sure as hell no fun. Cry me a river, why don’t you? Nobody really cares if you cry, and whining about all the things you miss about the relationship doesn’t bond you to her in any way. See, you wouldn’t be in this situation if you hadn’t created some misery yourself. Man up and show them you will both get through it. This is an assertion of change, or changes to come, which she probably wanted to happen in the first place. Don’t promise to change. Two things: because promises are cheap and a bond has been broken. Don’t just turn over a new leaf suddenly because real change demands time. Address what’s wrong, the things you neglected, and the mistakes you’ve made. That’s the time you can declare you’ve changed. Don’t get her a present. Forget giving gifts to make up for your behavior—make the changes in your behavior the gift itself. Remind her of who you are, and the goodness she knew of you before things got messy. Don’t let her be in love with a lie. This is one lesson that Will never really taught me. If it’s not who you are, do yourself a favor and move on.
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