She finds out that her exes keep getting hitched to the girl they hookup right after her. Which poses the question: What is it about some women that screams “not wife material?” I got a call from my ex just a week ago a guy I completely believed that one day I’d see him smiling at me in a tux from the other end of a church aisle. He’s been dating the girl he hooked up with since we called it quits a couple of years ago, so when the words that came out of his mouth were the ones that I secretly prayed I’d never hear, I was crushed: “Jane, I’m going to marry her.”
I instantly burst into tears. You see, this isn’t the only time I became the girlfriend before the girlfriend who eventually becomes the wife. Yes, you’re not going to believe this, but it has happened seven times. It feels like I’m just prepping guys to get married to somebody else.
I guess you could think of me as a husband fluffer you know that crew member in porn movies whose job is to get the actor, uh, ready for his scene? In my case, I put in tons of hard work, and then another girl steps in right before the money shot I mean, the wedding scene. Heh.
The details vary, but the fundamental scenario is the same: Boy and I hookup and fall in love; boy and I split; boy marries next girl that comes along. Take my first boyfriend after college. I was truly convinced he was The One, but when we were two years in, I realized I’ve never lived on my own as a single girl. So we took a little break, after which he started dating another chick… and now they’re engaged.
After him, there was this other guy. And like the first one, he was older, charming successful, and gorgeous. I was crazy in love with him. Then I thought, “With a guy like this, you have to play a little hard to get.” But I didn’t see the signs that should’ve told me he was playing more of a grown-up game: the new three-bedroom apartment, the doting on his sister’s baby. So he ditched me for a model, who is now his wife.
Given these horrific stories, I asked myself what I did I do to drive these men into the arms of other women? Did I spark a desire for them to find a wife? Or maybe they wanted out of the dating game for good?
I presented this question to my therapist. “You thought you wanted to tie the knot with these guys, right?” she asked. Correct. “So you made them work through all their issues to prop them for marriage.” Correct. “But were you ready?”
Excellent question. The concept of marriage probably scared the hell out of me, and the guys sensed it. “Keep in mind,” she continued, “a husband fluffer means you’re free to keep on looking to find the right person. You’ve been spared, and you have spared them too. You just weren’t right for them. Think of it as a gift you gave them.” Right now, I’m still waiting for all the thank you cards in the mail.
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