Of my many friends named Will, the first one was a very tall, pockmarked, Mohawk-headed, semi-poet, with large hands and a black belt in some fighting discipline which I can now only recall as kung fu. In short, he was unattractive in more ways than one. But still, he won women over in hisadult dating activities more than anyone I have ever known. It looked like he got every girl he set his eyes on.
Will always said it was quite easy to win over women. He used the salesman’s methods of seduction when adult dating: gracious attention, constant eye contact, pulsating wit, killer kindness with its accompanying gestures, confident attention, accentuated curiosity, the declaration of strength, and demonstrated humility of spirit. I knew all these because the first Will taught me that much. These were all early lessons, however, I came to see that the real trick, which he couldn’t manage to learn himself, was how to win a woman back; how to earn that love that was once lost. Here’s how:
Don’t believe in your first shot.
A woman must be won over quite a few times. The first one—fueled by attraction, illusion and chemistry—is relatively easy. The stakes may seem high, but you have to fail a few times for this to work. And when you fail, you move on. You can always walk away from failure. This can be the most honest moment of them all, because the illusion has dried up and the tricks have become clear. You are now on the outside looking in, knowing what you just lost.
Don’t trade in your misery.
Yes, you’re now on the outside looking in, and it’s sure as hell no fun. Cry me a river, why don’t you? Nobody really cares if you cry, and whining about all the things you miss about the relationship doesn’t bond you to her in any way. See, you wouldn’t be in this situation if you hadn’t created some misery yourself. Man up and show them you will both get through it. This is an assertion of change, or changes to come, which she probably wanted to happen in the first place.
Don’t promise to change.
Two things: because promises are cheap and a bond has been broken. Don’t just turn over a new leaf suddenly because real change demands time. Address what’s wrong, the things you neglected, and the mistakes you’ve made. That’s the time you can declare you’ve changed.
Don’t get her a present.
Forget giving gifts to make up for your behavior—make the changes in your behavior the gift itself. Remind her of who you are, and the goodness she knew of you before things got messy.
Don’t let her be in love with a lie.
This is one lesson that Will never really taught me. If it’s not who you are, do yourself a favor and move on.
Will always said it was quite easy to win over women. He used the salesman’s methods of seduction when adult dating: gracious attention, constant eye contact, pulsating wit, killer kindness with its accompanying gestures, confident attention, accentuated curiosity, the declaration of strength, and demonstrated humility of spirit. I knew all these because the first Will taught me that much. These were all early lessons, however, I came to see that the real trick, which he couldn’t manage to learn himself, was how to win a woman back; how to earn that love that was once lost. Here’s how:
Don’t believe in your first shot.
A woman must be won over quite a few times. The first one—fueled by attraction, illusion and chemistry—is relatively easy. The stakes may seem high, but you have to fail a few times for this to work. And when you fail, you move on. You can always walk away from failure. This can be the most honest moment of them all, because the illusion has dried up and the tricks have become clear. You are now on the outside looking in, knowing what you just lost.
Don’t trade in your misery.
Yes, you’re now on the outside looking in, and it’s sure as hell no fun. Cry me a river, why don’t you? Nobody really cares if you cry, and whining about all the things you miss about the relationship doesn’t bond you to her in any way. See, you wouldn’t be in this situation if you hadn’t created some misery yourself. Man up and show them you will both get through it. This is an assertion of change, or changes to come, which she probably wanted to happen in the first place.
Don’t promise to change.
Two things: because promises are cheap and a bond has been broken. Don’t just turn over a new leaf suddenly because real change demands time. Address what’s wrong, the things you neglected, and the mistakes you’ve made. That’s the time you can declare you’ve changed.
Don’t get her a present.
Forget giving gifts to make up for your behavior—make the changes in your behavior the gift itself. Remind her of who you are, and the goodness she knew of you before things got messy.
Don’t let her be in love with a lie.
This is one lesson that Will never really taught me. If it’s not who you are, do yourself a favor and move on.
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