According to studies, we all have an adult dating pattern we stick to. It can be of the physical nature, like when you are always drawn to buff guys; or their personality, like when you go for either mysterious introverts or outgoing dudes. Read on for advice given by relationship expert Andrea Syrtash to help you figure out how your adult dating pattern works, and how to tell if it’s right for you.
Why do we form adult dating patterns?
What usually happens is we assign qualities to people that are based on very little information, and then believe that those qualities are what we need in a guy we date. I’ve come across people who’ve said, “I would never go out dating a shy guy,” believing him to be dull and boring, and then realizing after that the person is interesting and fun to be with he just wasn’t as outgoing as their usual type.
How can you tell if the adult dating pattern you’re following is bad for you?
When you date the same type of guys, and then expect different results from the ones that have burned you before, this is an indication that your adult dating pattern is not doing you any good. You should know instantly when your pattern isn’t working well for you if you’re always playing the same disappointing role in your relationships. What you need to do is stop focusing on the guy you’re dating and instead look at who you are whenever you’re with him. Are you more outgoing than usual? Or maybe more confused than ever? Observe how you act when he’s around to find out if your pattern works for you.
How can you break a bad pattern?
First be totally honest with yourself to find out what your pattern is before you can break it. Try asking yourself: If my adult dating life was to be made into a movie, how would it begin and how would it end? What role do I constantly play? You’ll pick up some clues, and you’ll figure out that it’s quite normal to get into patterns, even those that are doomed to fail. After identifying what pattern you’re in, commit to going outside of your comfort zone so you can break this pattern. Try doing things you don’t frequently do and go to places you don’t normally go to meet new people.
Should you go out with a guy who is completely different from your exes?
That’s a resounding yes, and that’s not to say settle for anyone who is less than you want. Think about your three major “must haves” and “can’t stands,” and just be open to the fact that those qualities may come in different packages.
Why do we form adult dating patterns?
What usually happens is we assign qualities to people that are based on very little information, and then believe that those qualities are what we need in a guy we date. I’ve come across people who’ve said, “I would never go out dating a shy guy,” believing him to be dull and boring, and then realizing after that the person is interesting and fun to be with he just wasn’t as outgoing as their usual type.
How can you tell if the adult dating pattern you’re following is bad for you?
When you date the same type of guys, and then expect different results from the ones that have burned you before, this is an indication that your adult dating pattern is not doing you any good. You should know instantly when your pattern isn’t working well for you if you’re always playing the same disappointing role in your relationships. What you need to do is stop focusing on the guy you’re dating and instead look at who you are whenever you’re with him. Are you more outgoing than usual? Or maybe more confused than ever? Observe how you act when he’s around to find out if your pattern works for you.
How can you break a bad pattern?
First be totally honest with yourself to find out what your pattern is before you can break it. Try asking yourself: If my adult dating life was to be made into a movie, how would it begin and how would it end? What role do I constantly play? You’ll pick up some clues, and you’ll figure out that it’s quite normal to get into patterns, even those that are doomed to fail. After identifying what pattern you’re in, commit to going outside of your comfort zone so you can break this pattern. Try doing things you don’t frequently do and go to places you don’t normally go to meet new people.
Should you go out with a guy who is completely different from your exes?
That’s a resounding yes, and that’s not to say settle for anyone who is less than you want. Think about your three major “must haves” and “can’t stands,” and just be open to the fact that those qualities may come in different packages.
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