If you are the type of guy who would just like to pass on ever having dinner with your girl’s folks, I can offer a few helpful City Sex suggestions for not getting an invitation. Perhaps you just want to spend time with your own family, or you’re just not sociable, or they’re racist against Asians and you’re Jet Li. It doesn’t really matter. Just follow my City Sex advice and guess who’s not invited to dinner? You.
Greeting the parents
If it’s your first time to meet them, keep in mind that, just like in business, the handshake is very important. This can be a good opportunity to show her dad how weak you are, that you like to wear your driving gloves all the time, or you just don’t know how to break eye contact. If you’re thinking whether to shake her mom’s hand or go in for a hug, don’t do any of those. Just follow the European custom of kissing her briefly on both cheeks, followed by a long probing Frenchie.
If you’ve already met them, you can always try shaking the dad’s hand while tickling his palm with your finger. The probing tongue kiss will still probably work on mom too.
Eating the parents
Having a meal can be a great opportunity to alienate them. If you’re not a natural sloppy eater, try numbing your hands or face with Novocaine. If you don’t have access to this, focus on being a terrible chewer. Try taking in a large amount of food, and then silently sing your favorite Muse song.
When it comes to the food, it would be very helpful if you have many allergies and aversions. You can lie if you don’t have one. Let them know you have a bad relationship with food. You can also tell them you are a health nut by dabbing everything with napkin to “take out the grease” even if it’s a seafood salad.
If they are the type that says grace, this is your chance to establish you are a socialist atheist.
Enchanting the parents
Being a bad conversationalist is key! Keep in mind that a polite guest means being engaged and entertained, so pick out random places in the room to look at in case somebody calls your attention.
Going for the tight-lipped tactic can work well, but sometimes being a talker can seal the deal. Try discussing money, religion and politics in mixed company, and prove to your girlfriend’s parents that you’re a modern feminist. Walk around the house and pick out items, asking how much each costs.
If the chit-chat dies down, fill any conversational gaps by telling them how much you hate your job or by quoting lines from movies.
Greeting the parents
If it’s your first time to meet them, keep in mind that, just like in business, the handshake is very important. This can be a good opportunity to show her dad how weak you are, that you like to wear your driving gloves all the time, or you just don’t know how to break eye contact. If you’re thinking whether to shake her mom’s hand or go in for a hug, don’t do any of those. Just follow the European custom of kissing her briefly on both cheeks, followed by a long probing Frenchie.
If you’ve already met them, you can always try shaking the dad’s hand while tickling his palm with your finger. The probing tongue kiss will still probably work on mom too.
Eating the parents
Having a meal can be a great opportunity to alienate them. If you’re not a natural sloppy eater, try numbing your hands or face with Novocaine. If you don’t have access to this, focus on being a terrible chewer. Try taking in a large amount of food, and then silently sing your favorite Muse song.
When it comes to the food, it would be very helpful if you have many allergies and aversions. You can lie if you don’t have one. Let them know you have a bad relationship with food. You can also tell them you are a health nut by dabbing everything with napkin to “take out the grease” even if it’s a seafood salad.
If they are the type that says grace, this is your chance to establish you are a socialist atheist.
Enchanting the parents
Being a bad conversationalist is key! Keep in mind that a polite guest means being engaged and entertained, so pick out random places in the room to look at in case somebody calls your attention.
Going for the tight-lipped tactic can work well, but sometimes being a talker can seal the deal. Try discussing money, religion and politics in mixed company, and prove to your girlfriend’s parents that you’re a modern feminist. Walk around the house and pick out items, asking how much each costs.
If the chit-chat dies down, fill any conversational gaps by telling them how much you hate your job or by quoting lines from movies.
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